Ah the generation of entitlement, whiny little Prats running around thinking they deserve the world because mommy and daddy spent every day telling them just how ‘special and wonderful’ they are and how they’re going to be great people.
The baby boomer generation has been exceptionally overprotective and weak in their ability to develop functioning human beings. Their theories are failing; don’t forget it’s best to breast feed them until they’re ten, but never hit them, never ever punish them when they do something wrong.
They should have been telling the truth: (The one thing my hard ass mean old mother did very well.)
Nobody is going to take care of you except you, so stop fucking bitching, get your ass moving, get a job, learn to function and don’t break the goddamn law.
Guess what, life is rough, so buy a fucking helmet and get used to the bumpy ride. And don’t worry, as a parent, I’m not here to be your fucking friend so when you steal, lie, cheat or misbehave, I’m going to help you understand the fucking consequences. (My mother broke a wooden paddle over my ass at the age of 8 when I stole cookies and lied about it. I have never been arrested or fired from a job.)
Life has winners and losers. Sorry kid, but chances are that your best will never be good enough and chances are you’re a loser. Most people are losers and until you do something great to prove otherwise, you’re going to remain a loser. (My mother didn’t compliment me, but when I came home with a poor report card, she grounded me, established study hours, and called me a Dumb-Ass. I made it through college with two degrees.)
However, if you pay attention in school, educate yourself, work hard, and stick to your values, you might come out alright in the end.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Valentines Day - The Evil Holiday
I will not go to Jared's, I fucking hate Jared's Galleria of Jewelry, in Fact I'm of Good Mind to Hunt Jared Down and force feed him the Shit he's been shoveling to the rest of us!
This is Valentines Day. This is not a Happy day. This day sucks for all people, but is especially cruel toward the male gender. Masochistic at best, the day is in and of itself a contradiction.
There are 2 posible states to be in when encountering this day each year. Either you are in a relationship or you are not. Either way you're screwed.
Possibility 1: You are in a relationship.
The following reponsibilities and results are imminent. Cards, Candy, Flowers and a planned romantic Date are a must. All of these will certainly do little more than empty your wallet. Mind you these are the minimum requirements, the aforementioned items will do little more than allow you to enjoy civility with in the constraints of your relationship for another year. These purchases will not garner you respect or appreciation as they are expected.
Going one step further will likely land you in an equally unappreciated and precarious position. You can choose to purchase jewelry, even dare say an engagement ring. Which will certainly empty your wallet and by choosing the cheesiest, most unoriginal and most uncreative of all days upon which to propose. Besides indicating a personal creative emptiness and lack of individuality, additional rewards include an overwhelming sense of disappointment for both parties.
Possibility 2: You are not in a relationship.
If you are seeing someone or have just started dating. The decision must be made as to what purchase or investment is appropriate considering the short duration and rocky foundation of the new arrangement. Go to far she finds you creepy and you've lost money. Not enough and she finds you cheap or worries you don't appreciate her.
If you have no one, you are forced to endure the constant questions from peers and coworkers as to your plans for the day. Must establish some formal statement for the pure sake of basic PR upkeep. This explanation must be brief, revealing little of personal life but demonstrating confidence. Looks of pity will follow no matter the phrasing of your response. Society will continue to pressure you throughout your day via advertisement, convincing you of your loneliness and apparent need for companionship. Slight to extreme depression can be the only outcome.
If you have just broken up. Now you must be reminded of your failed relationship. As if you needed a Fucking reminder. Except that now you must hold it together through all the questions of the day from colleagues only to tromp home, collapse in an empty abode, turn on the television and be confronted by further abuse from advertising agencies.
Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, all other Holidays are to be looked forward to and enjoyed as a demonstration of love for mischievious fun, for humanity, for family, for country, and for good will.
Valentines Day is negative and alone, celebrating greed, envy and jealousy. Demonstrating the distance between human lives. This is a day of societal war. This is V-DAY.
This is Valentines Day. This is not a Happy day. This day sucks for all people, but is especially cruel toward the male gender. Masochistic at best, the day is in and of itself a contradiction.
There are 2 posible states to be in when encountering this day each year. Either you are in a relationship or you are not. Either way you're screwed.
Possibility 1: You are in a relationship.
The following reponsibilities and results are imminent. Cards, Candy, Flowers and a planned romantic Date are a must. All of these will certainly do little more than empty your wallet. Mind you these are the minimum requirements, the aforementioned items will do little more than allow you to enjoy civility with in the constraints of your relationship for another year. These purchases will not garner you respect or appreciation as they are expected.
Going one step further will likely land you in an equally unappreciated and precarious position. You can choose to purchase jewelry, even dare say an engagement ring. Which will certainly empty your wallet and by choosing the cheesiest, most unoriginal and most uncreative of all days upon which to propose. Besides indicating a personal creative emptiness and lack of individuality, additional rewards include an overwhelming sense of disappointment for both parties.
Possibility 2: You are not in a relationship.
If you are seeing someone or have just started dating. The decision must be made as to what purchase or investment is appropriate considering the short duration and rocky foundation of the new arrangement. Go to far she finds you creepy and you've lost money. Not enough and she finds you cheap or worries you don't appreciate her.
If you have no one, you are forced to endure the constant questions from peers and coworkers as to your plans for the day. Must establish some formal statement for the pure sake of basic PR upkeep. This explanation must be brief, revealing little of personal life but demonstrating confidence. Looks of pity will follow no matter the phrasing of your response. Society will continue to pressure you throughout your day via advertisement, convincing you of your loneliness and apparent need for companionship. Slight to extreme depression can be the only outcome.
If you have just broken up. Now you must be reminded of your failed relationship. As if you needed a Fucking reminder. Except that now you must hold it together through all the questions of the day from colleagues only to tromp home, collapse in an empty abode, turn on the television and be confronted by further abuse from advertising agencies.
Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, all other Holidays are to be looked forward to and enjoyed as a demonstration of love for mischievious fun, for humanity, for family, for country, and for good will.
Valentines Day is negative and alone, celebrating greed, envy and jealousy. Demonstrating the distance between human lives. This is a day of societal war. This is V-DAY.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Morning After
Now for what I spent all my time studying in college… My golden tips, should you choose to use them, just remember the important thing is to develop your own style, I can give you the moves, but you have to add in your own real personality to get the mix just right…
Morning after is important. It’s your chance to prove you’re better than the current boy. First off, when you wake up and have to piss, remember to brush your teeth. When you get back to bed, ask her what she wants for breakfast, then make it. Also why it’s important to have all types of breakfast foods available in the house, orange juice, milk, cold cereal, instant oatmeal, eggs, toast and pancakes. Offer her all of those to choose from and she’ll be impressed, you’ve just shown her that you’re a great provider (what every woman looks for).
Joke around during breakfast, it’s your chance to get to know her better and decide if she’s worth more than the one night stand. Joke around, fool around, play with her and relax because you already scored and have nothing to lose, but trust me she’s more nervous than ever, women usually just hide it well. Who knew the one emotion they don’t leave on their sleeve. Also keep up physical contact, gentle brushes with the palm of your hand on the small of her back to lead her around the corner into the kitchen or touch her shoulder when she laughs. She’s probably nervous and worried about what happened, do everything you can to let her know it’s alright, this includes comforting gentle physical contact. Compliments are also a plus, runny makeup, hair everywhere she’s probably thinking a mile a minute about her appearance. Tell her she looks amazing in the morning.
Depending on the feeling if you’ve calmed her down enough, ask her if she wants to take a shower with you. You can also take the shower before breakfast and then ask her what she wants for breakfast in the shower. Shower is a great way to continue physical contact. Wash her and take your time with it. Appreciate her body, remember she’s nervous, so soothe her.
When you’ve got her clean and fed, she’ll feel better, then you can drive her home. Tell her you had a great night, kiss her and tell her you’ll call her. Follow up is essential for her. She needs confirmation that you still care, it’s another date established or a time for a phone call.
Written by Darian
Morning after is important. It’s your chance to prove you’re better than the current boy. First off, when you wake up and have to piss, remember to brush your teeth. When you get back to bed, ask her what she wants for breakfast, then make it. Also why it’s important to have all types of breakfast foods available in the house, orange juice, milk, cold cereal, instant oatmeal, eggs, toast and pancakes. Offer her all of those to choose from and she’ll be impressed, you’ve just shown her that you’re a great provider (what every woman looks for).
Joke around during breakfast, it’s your chance to get to know her better and decide if she’s worth more than the one night stand. Joke around, fool around, play with her and relax because you already scored and have nothing to lose, but trust me she’s more nervous than ever, women usually just hide it well. Who knew the one emotion they don’t leave on their sleeve. Also keep up physical contact, gentle brushes with the palm of your hand on the small of her back to lead her around the corner into the kitchen or touch her shoulder when she laughs. She’s probably nervous and worried about what happened, do everything you can to let her know it’s alright, this includes comforting gentle physical contact. Compliments are also a plus, runny makeup, hair everywhere she’s probably thinking a mile a minute about her appearance. Tell her she looks amazing in the morning.
Depending on the feeling if you’ve calmed her down enough, ask her if she wants to take a shower with you. You can also take the shower before breakfast and then ask her what she wants for breakfast in the shower. Shower is a great way to continue physical contact. Wash her and take your time with it. Appreciate her body, remember she’s nervous, so soothe her.
When you’ve got her clean and fed, she’ll feel better, then you can drive her home. Tell her you had a great night, kiss her and tell her you’ll call her. Follow up is essential for her. She needs confirmation that you still care, it’s another date established or a time for a phone call.
Written by Darian
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